The Fellowship Orders Pizza
by Phoenix II
Summary: The fellowship orders Pizza. It's funny
1. Under Caradhras

The Fellowship Orders Pizza  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, JRR owns the rest.  
  
Summary: The Fellowship Orders Pizza  
  
~*~  
  
The Fellowship of the Ring was hungry. They were trapped in a snowbank under Caradhras for the 20th time that day, and had nothing to eat. So Aragorn came up with the idea of ordering pizza. He took out his cell phone and dialed a number.  
  
"Hello, this is Middle-Earth Pizza Hut, Lothlorien franchise, Haldir speaking," answered a voice.  
  
"Hey Haldir, this is Aragorn. We'd like to order a pizza."  
  
"Personal Pan, Medium, Large, or Extra-Large?" Haldir asked.  
  
Aragorn glanced around at the Company before answering, "Extra-Large, if you please."  
  
"And what would you like on it?" Haldir asked.  
  
"I want Pineapples!" said Legolas. The hobbits chimed in, "Mushrooms!!" Boromir said "Diced Orc." Gandalf and Gimli looked at him strangely before saying "Pepperoni." Aragorn said that he wanted sausage and extra cheese.  
  
"Is that all?" Haldir asked. Before Aragorn could reply, a low, harsh voice said "Anchovieses for usss, preciousss!"  
  
"What the fuck?" said the fellowship, and Haldir, at once.  
  
"Is it too much to ask nice hobbitses, Men, Elf and Dwarf for one sssssssimple sssssslice of pizza with some anchoivieses for us?" asked the voice of Smeagol.  
  
Aragorn sighed. "No, I guess not. Do you have all that, Haldir?"  
  
"We've got an extra-large pizza with pineapples, mushrooms, diced orc, pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese and anchovies. What kind of crust?" asked the Middle-Earth Pizza Hut worker.  
  
"Hand-tossed!" said Legolas. "Stuffed-Crust!" said Aragorn and the Hobbits. "Deep-Dish!" said the rest.  
  
Haldir sighed. "Master Legolas, we can make your portion hand tossed, Aragorn and you hobbit-folk's portion stuffed crust, and the rest deep- dish. Trust us, we're elves of the Realm of the Lady of the Wood. We can do anything."  
  
"Oh," said Aragorn. "I forgot about that. Yes, that will be what we want. Could you deliver it to us under the biggest snowbank on Caradhras?"  
  
"Yes we can Aragorn. Our delivery eagle will be with you within the hour. Good-bye." With that, Haldir hung up.  
  
~*~  
  
When the delivery eagle arrived, there was a brief squabble over payment that ended up with Aragorn and Gandalf having phone sex with Arwen and Galadriel. The pizza was distributed, everybody in the company receiving their slices, and Aragorn giving the box with Smeagol's anchovy pieces to the creature.  
  
THE END  
  
Notes: Well, that was random. I had pizza tonight and wondered to myself what kind of Pizza Aragorn would like. And thus the fanfic was born. Enjoy, reviewers get a slice of e-pizza of their choice.  
  
Phoenix II 


	2. Aragorn's Coronation Party

The Fellowship Orders Pizza Chapter Two: Minas Tirith  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: What do YOU think they ate at Aragorn's coronation?  
  
~*~  
  
It was the crowning of Aragorn, the King Elessar in Minas Tirith. Aragorn being a former Ranger of the North-kingdom, the party after the coronation was just that, a party. Prince Imrahil of Dol Amroth was the only Royal-type person that complained. He, being Elvish and rather British, tried to force Aragorn into a ball and gala. But the King-to-be wouldn't have it. Faramir and the soldiers of Minas Tirith, as well as Eomer King and the Riders of Rohan backed him up in his choice. Imrahil grudgingly conceded.  
  
At this party, there were absolutely no formal clothes allowed. Aragorn was wearing a green shirt and a leather jacket, Arwen was wearing a housedress, the Rohirrim were wearing jeans and flannel tee shirts, and the soldiers of Gondor wore black. The highlights of the night were the Minas Tirith White Tower Jazz Band and, of course, the Food. Served by Merry and Pippin, there was, surprisingly, Pizza. When it arrived from Minas Tirith's Middle-Earth Pizza Hut, Aragorn called the crowd to silence.  
  
"As some of you know, in the Battle for Gondor, I lost a very good friend, Halbarad of the Dunedain. Halbarad's favorite kind of pizza was Pepperoni. So, in memory of Halbarad, and of all the brave men lost in the defense of our fair realm, you shall have Pepperoni Pizza, one medium pizza each. Meriadoc, Peregrin, if you would?"  
  
Merry and Pippin came out from the serving area pushing large carts of pizza boxes. They made sure that each person got his own box, and retreated with the leftover boxes to the kitchen. Then Eomer took the platform to speak.  
  
"Many of you in here know that during the same Battle that has gotten you this pizza, Theoden, former King of Rohan, was slain as well. Now, Theoden King's favorite ale was Isengard Green, and everyone in this room will get a bottle liberated from the stores of the traitor Saruman to drink with his or her pizza. Drink in happiness of Alliance and Aid!! Frodo, Samwise, if you would be so kind?" Now Frodo and Sam came from the serving area pushing large carts laden with crates of ale. Everybody in the room got a bottle to drink, and, as Merry and Pippin had done, retreated with the leftovers.  
  
Then, as long tables were pulled out and set up, and seating was found for all, a Middle-Earth Pizza Hut Senior Delivery Man made his way to Aragorn.  
  
"That is 3,000,000 gold pieces, your highness," he said. Aragorn glared at him and called for his guards. Faramir, Eomer, and Imrahil gladly carried the offending Delivery Man out of the hall. That was the last anyone in Gondor ever saw of him. The last anyone heard of him was a long, drawn out scream that ended abruptly with a thud as he hit the ground after being thrown from the Citadel by Faramir, Imrahil and Eomer.  
  
"Anyone else want to charge me for something?" asked Aragorn when the three returned. No one made a peep. "Alright then, Minas Tirith White Tower Jazz Band, take it away!" The party lasted into the wee hours of the night.  
  
END CHAPTER TWO  
  
NOTESES: Time to thank all the reviewers:  
  
Maria2004: Here's your new chappie, and your pepperoni pizza!  
  
Mellon123: Here's more, and here's some pizza!  
  
trisket-n-gunther: I would review yours back, but ff.net says you're not an active member anymore. Here's some pizza!!  
  
Skysong: There was no point. Here's your pizza!!  
  
ALL OF YOU REVIEW!! A bottle of Isengard Green to all reviewers! 


End file.
